One of my best friends Edel sent me the photo below a few days before Christmas saying it reminded her of me. Apparently, it’s a thing I do …I say I love you to my family and friends every time I get off a phone call with them or wrapping up a chat. I often tease my younger brother any time we talk on the phone because, he always finds it hard to say it. My big brother and baby brother though…well those two I managed to coax into saying it every time we talk on the phone 😊.

If there’s one thing 2019 taught me, it’s to say those three magic words to those who mean the world to you because you really don’t know how much time you have left. It taught me to take a chance, trust the process, to keep going and that even if I fail, nothing stops me from trying again.

Anyone who knows me will probably tell you I’m a tough cookie, with a wicked sense of humor and even more wicked laugh. However, I find it hard opening up about personal issues affecting me and I mean I’ll start hyperventilating at the thought that I have to trust someone with whatever baggage I’m dealing with. I love being in control and my type A personality doesn’t allow me to show more emotion than necessary, especially emotions that make me feel vulnerable. I can count the number of times I’ve allowed myself to cry in public and the people who have witnessed me breakdown. I guess that’s why I’m good at having a resting bitch face 😊.

It’s rather funny then how last year turned out for me. 2019 taught me the importance of leaning on family and friends in both good and bad times and appreciating them. It reminded me of God’s unending love, mercy and faithfulness. It reintroduced me to a stronger, confident, resilient and tenacious version of myself.

It’s been two years and five months since I last blogged and it is remarkable how many life changing events took place in that period. From writing, getting engaged, a year later married, not to mention changing jobs twice to now living in a new country. None of this would have been possible without God and the wonderful people He brought in my life to make it all possible.

With everything that has happened I’ve been eager to get back to writing, but I’ll be honest, I’ve kept finding reasons not to write or simply chosen to procrastinate as much as I can.

I’ve even had conversations with myself, explaining why I should give up writing,

“It’s been so long, who’ll want to read it?”, “Am I really a writer?”, “Nope…I’m not creative plus putting myself out there is really not my thing”.

Even as I write it now, every fiber in my body is yelling at me to just curl up in bed and watch a movie but I also feel a quiet confidence and sense of calm pulsing through my veins and I know I want to keep going.

Truth be told, I’m happy to be back to writing, exploring the creative in me as my best friend Olive encouraged me to do. I also look forward to challenging myself more, taking bigger risks and being bolder and purposeful in how I live my life. I’m excited to see what 2020 has in store for me and those I hold dear in my heart.

I started off the year with so many plans and things I thought I was meant to achieve this year and when things didn’t work out as I thought, it nearly broke me. I however managed to pick up the pieces with the help of my family and friends. I started journaling and through it, I realized I had achieved so much more than I thought…not what was in my list but other things I hadn’t thought to consider.

Now, I’m a fan of The Big Bang Theory and I’m quite sad it came to an end but in an episode leading up the finale, Sheldon and Amy were having a conversation they came to the realization that the only constant thing in life is change. In the last episode, when Sheldon gave his Nobel prize speech, it was moving to see him recognize and appreciate the people who had helped him get there.

Did I win a Nobel prize in 2019? No but I won in so many other ways and for that I’m grateful so here’s to each wonderful soul God placed in my life and many more people I may not know who prayed for me, wished me well and even felt encouraged by me in one way or another.

My parents for having me and loving me and letting me know that no matter what happens, I have a home to come to.

My mother in law who has a unique second name I look forward to learning the history off and passing to my future daughter.

Muturi, G.G and Nick, for being the best brothers in the world and not because you laugh at all my jokes and stories. You’re my forever ride or die squad and Gina I won’t be going down alone…you signed up to be my sister so together with Jeff and Mariam you’re stuck with me 😊

Charlie, my wonderful, sexy hunk of a husband, always laughing at my goofy jokes, weird quirks, constant roasts and dramatic self…you had your chance, now you’re stuck with me. God blessed me immensely when he brought you into my life. You’ve seen me at best and worst, always finding new ways to show me how much you love me. I love you now and always.

Edel, Olive, Mwende and Agarther, for being my girls, my sisters, bridesmaids, my tribe,my family. You have been there for me and held me up in ways I cannot begin to describe. From planning my bridal shower to making a fuss on my birthday no matter how much I protest because you know I won’t end you and most of all loving me especially in my lowest of moments. You’re phenomenal, I love you and I’ll always be there for you.

Sharon, we met in French class, quickly became friends who not only goof off but also have deep conversations with, cried and held each other in town as we struggle through adulting. You’re the first person I felt comfortable telling I was slipping into a depression and you just listened to me. I’m so glad we met and giiiirl! I’m still gunning for abs like yours!

Wambui and Vivian, my baby sisters, always gassing me up (queue Cardi B sticking out her tongue) 😊. You’re so beautiful on the inside and out and have fabulous futures ahead! I love you both.

Barbara and Mutave, for being such cool deskies, who held me up even on my bad days, plied me with food and alcohol. Patience, Ednah, Brian, my O2 crew…this is it!

Lorraine and Jayne, we met when I joined H&K and have been friends with since and because we understand adulting, we’d plan our dates and schedule them in advance. During my farewell party, Lorraine and I somehow managed to catch up, cry, laugh, hug and talk about God’s goodness and faithfulness in a span of about 30 minutes in a noisy club. Jayne who’s love of running marathons I am in awe of (I can barely get through my cardio on the treadmill) I danced the night away till five in the morning.

Francis, my kick ass trainer, you not only made working out fun but pushed me to keep going. You’re freaking awesome!

These are just a few of the people who come to mind because there are too many. I’ve tried to think about a word to describe how I feel and the only word that comes to mind is, grateful. Whether you participate in it or not, things will change so you might as well do what makes your heart sing or dance 😊.

Here’s to an amazing 2020!