It was one of the hottest days in the Netherlands, with highs of 33 degrees. The last thing I wanted was to be out in the sun but I had committed to taking part and supporting this volunteer project at Volewijck Playground and I’m not one to go back on my word. So, I braved the scorching sun and made my way there to meet up with the rest of the team. Despite the heat, it was a great day…I met new people, was the resident photographer for the day, which was fun and interviewed one of the spokespersons for the article I would write afterwards.

As we wrapped up on the day’s activities and were getting ready to leave, a group of us, mainly ladies found ourselves taking shelter under the main building’s awning to shade ourselves from the sun. It was 4pm, the sun was nowhere close to setting, not a cloud was in sight and the heat was still unbearable and of course, after the weather chit chat, we got to know each other a little, upon which I realized each of us had a similar story; we had all moved to the Netherlands after our partners had gotten jobs here and we were all trying to find our footing in our own way.

It was such a relief for me because I felt I had finally met a group of people who could understand the challenges I had faced in adjusting to living in this country. Don’t get me wrong; I know I’m not the first to move abroad and yes, my husband has been the most supportive human ever but meeting women with whom I can share similar experiences was amazing. I still have my family and friends who continue to be great sources of encouragement, but at I also have a wonderful opportunity to meet new people, make beautiful memories and gain new experiences.

A Kenyan, South African, Brazilian, and Norwegian, joking about their first grocery shopping experiences; now that’s a scene I would never have pictured would happen a few years ago. I remember when I first went grocery shopping here and spending close to an hour in the supermarket because I needed to translate several things from Dutch to English so I could make sure I was getting the correct item. Good times….

Anyway, my biggest takeaway from that conversation was that I was not alone in this and we are all learning in one way or another. See the thing is I had big plans for when I got to the Netherlands; with my strong background in PR and Communications, extensive agency experience, my plan was (and still is) to come and take over the industry in this country. I was excited to learn and get up to speed with the communications industry here, work with brands to develop and execute great impactful strategies and tell amazing stories because I love the career I’ve built. I love the work that I’ve accomplished to date, I know I’m good at my job and I was eager to hit the ground running.

I went on a few job interviews and I was sure I was going to get a job immediately until I got the first couple of rejections. I remember one response I got was, “You’re not really a good fit with what we’re looking for.” They had not met me, simply reviewed my CV and determined I was not a good fit. When I asked the recruiter what they meant by good fit, the person struggled to articulate properly what “good fit” was and what had brought them to that conclusion based simply on my CV. It was especially puzzling to me because prior to moving and applying for jobs, I had it redone professionally.

Undeterred, I moved on but when I got another rejection, with a similar response, it dawned on me that getting my foot in the door was going to be tougher than I had anticipated and that this is part of the process of learning and understanding the hiring and working culture in a new market. So, I persisted and went on a few more interviews and just as I thought I had secured a solid opportunity, the pandemic hit, we were in quarantine and a good number of organizations stopped posting jobs.

At first, I was okay with slowing down but that lasted about a week before I started getting anxious. I’m already a homebody but the pandemic was about to take it to the next level. In an effort to occupy my mind and do something productive as I figured out what my plan was going to be, I started volunteering with Adam Helpt, an NGO that serves to support the less fortunate in Amsterdam and work with companies to develop CSR strategies as well as identify volunteer projects they can participate in. It’s been a great experience so far and I enjoy working with the team and I get to apply my knowledge and experience in PR and Communications. It has also been a great way for me to start getting out of the house and meet people as much as possible.

Whether it was as a result of working in agencies for so long and getting used to that fast-paced world or I was struggling to deal with the pandemic and the impact it was having across the world, I’m not sure but I found it hard to not do anything, to simply be still. I was so used to working a 9 to 5, I felt I had lost my structure, the rug had been pulled out from under me. My family was constantly worrying, which made me worry, which made it all seem worse than it probably was.

I started questioning everything about myself and my existence: “Was moving the right decision?” “Am I not enough for this country to accept me and give me the opportunity to do what I love?” “Am I too much?” “Am I a failure?” I genuinely wondered if this is what a mid-life crisis looked like because that’s what it felt like or maybe it was the planner in me who’s plans were being blown up in smoke and now I had to figure out how to regroup. Either way, I was a mess.

My husband, bless his heart was such a rock, giving me the space to vent out my frustrations and doubts and being the sounding board, I needed. I would wake up in the middle of the night to pray and journal as I worked through my thoughts, feelings and wrote down positive affirmations for myself. I also had calls regularly with one of my best friends who was going through something similar. It was a relief to be able to talk it out with her, share our inner most fears, vulnerabilities and somehow find ways to laugh about it. I remember telling her, if necessary, I was going to ship her here to live with me and we’d figure it out together.

However, through us sharing our experiences, encouraging each other, and celebrating the smallest of wins, I slowly but surely, started to find some level of stability as did she. I love how through our conversations, we have been able to change our mindsets and started to view these challenges as opportunities to pivot and lean into what could turn into new career paths. I also love and appreciate how supportive my husband has and continues to be. I’m so grateful we have gotten a chance to reconnect with each other after a year of being apart and recently celebrating our second anniversary.

I now view the hurdle that came my way as an opportunity to build myself in other ways, exploring creative sides of myself I had never thought of tapping into. I have learned that it is okay to slow down and take a beat, I have fallen in love with my big, bold personality even more, and I definitely do not want to change it but most importantly I have learned to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone and keep doing things that challenge me.

I’m writing a lot more, which I thoroughly enjoy as well as planning some new creative projects that I’m eager to share. I find myself every so often, fighting the imposter syndrome to put myself and my work out there but I’m doing it, learning from my mistakes and getting better with every step and maintaining my hunger and drive to live with a purpose.

It has felt like divine intervention; God felt I was taking too long to get on board exploring this creative side of me and my time had run out so He decided to shove into it, head first. I guess this is how it was meant to happen all along, and I am grateful for the journey thus far. I’m scared and excited at the same time for what the future holds for me.

At the end of it all, I’m still keen to venture into the PR and Communications industry here and as things slowly get back to normal, I’m optimistic that I’ll land a good job, where I’ll get to be part of a great team, developing communication strategies and making an impact. In the meantime, I get to learn new skills, take risks, identify other creative outlets, tap into them and continue to be the best and most authentic version of myself while being unapologetic about it; I get to enjoy the journey.

Whether you’re going through something similar or not, I hope you find encouragement through my experience so far and you keep pursuing what sets your soul on fire, even if you’re afraid knowing it’ll get better.