I love having a routine, planning and having systems in place that help me achieve my goals. I love the rhythm I get into, planning out my days and weeks, tracking my progress on tasks and being able to tick an activity as completed. I get an immense sense of of accomplishment, when at the end of the day, I can look back and feel super proud of myself for being an extremely productive human, even if my to do list for that day was to cook and nap…It’s exhilarating. I am also a morning person especially and especially after a solid workout, I find I am most productive in the early hours of the day. So, having a routine helps me feel grounded and allows me to focus on the tasks at hand and produce good work because I am a planner and find it hard to function in chaos.

This is also a bit ironic considering I used to work in a PR agency, where you could start your day all planned out and organized and in a matter of minutes, a crisis could erupt and all your best laid out plans would go up in smoke. I can count the number of times I tried to get some of my clients organized and the number of times I failed because, try as I may, every so often I would get a random call from a client with an emergency or a last-minute request they needed help with, or I’d be roped into a meeting with no brief. In any case, I always managed to quickly regroup, get back in the zone and get the work done right. Whether it meant pushing back on the client if need be, setting boundaries, asking for deadline extensions and on the rare occasions work late, I pivoted against the new information presented and ultimately delivered.

Last year, I struggled with setting and sticking to a routine that suited me as most of us did, mainly because I didn’t have my normal 8 to 5 type of job. I would still work out in the morning but between adjusting to a new country, changes in seasons, stress, and pressure from not being able to get a job immediately, not to mention the pandemic and struggle to find my footing, I fumbled for a minute. Despite that, I managed to pick myself up, figured out some sort of a routine and kept going. I started volunteering, revived my blog and got back into writing with a passion and fervor I had long forgotten, reignited my love for makeup, had my brand logo designed, started and Instagram page and a YouTube channel. I read some wonderful books like Yaa Gyasi’s Transcendent Kingdom that fueled my creativity and inspired me.

As the year came to an end, I was excited and grateful to be able to travel back home amidst a pandemic and get to see my loved ones whose faces and voices I had only gotten to see on video and voice calls. Amidst all the craziness of make plans for activities we would do while home, I believed I would get some time to create and publish content. The saying, we make plans and God laughs has never rung truer as I look back now and chuckle as I realize the lofty expectations, I had set for myself. In all my planning and organizing, I forgot to account for one thing: the fatigue and exhaustion that comes with travel and more so all the family gatherings and obligations that come with it.

In addition, not all family meet ups went as expected unfortunately and at some point, it got to me. I started feeling drained, physically emotionally and spiritually. I resorted to numbing it all out by escaping to Netflix and Hulu. I am normally a voracious reader but at that time, I could not even bring my brain to focus and enjoy any book I had. I tried journaling and was met with silence and darkness so at some point I shut down mentally and simply started going through the motions till it was time to travel back. Family for the most part is wonderful, and I am so grateful I got to see them but there is also family that drains you, that saps all your energy, that you cannot find the words to describe it and for your sanity, peace of mind and happiness, you have to remove yourself from the situations.

Travelling under normal circumstances is tiring but travelling during a pandemic is an extreme sport. My husband and I made the decision to travel in a pandemic and incur the tests and modified travel procedures to see our loved ones but it was grueling. From taking the PCR test to the rapid antigen test four hours before travel, traversing an airport where only one terminal is in use to sitting through a 14-hour flight, we were exhausted beyond words. After close to 12 hours of sleep, I felt physically rested, but mentally, I was not there yet.

I was still reeling from the aftershock of the unpleasant family meet ups, the exhaustion from planning out dates, packing and was struggling to find some stability, a routine to fall back on. I felt like I had had a late start to 2021 and needed to rush  to catch up, not sure with who or why but I felt like was falling behind. The perfectionist and planner in me felt like I had already failed because I had not planned out my goals for the first quarter and year in general and because I had not done so, then there was no point in even attempting to plan. I was already psyching myself out of what could possibly be an amazing year. Imposter syndrome was also working double time in the background to keep me thinking my work was still not good enough. 

While holidays back home had its fair share of lows I had to work through, it also gave me some priceless memories and made it worth it. I got to play Scrabble with my friend Sharon who opened her home to my husband and I to quarantine in for two weeks, showing us a generosity and hospitality, I could never take for granted. She and I kept each other going last year when we both felt like giving up on life and seeing her pour her heart, soul, and love in everything she does is inspiring. All this was possible because of a random meeting during French class at Alliance Francaise four years ago that bore a friendship that I hold dearly. I am so grateful she is in my life.

I got to finally meet my nephew when we had brunch at my big brother’s home, and he is the most beautiful tiny human that is as close to perfect as possible. could not get enough of seeing him, holding him and playing with him. I cannot wait to see him again. I got to spend time with my brothers and my sisters-in-law, reconnecting and catching up with them was wonderful and I love them to bits. I slept over at my parents’ home, deserted my mum one Friday evening when she spotted a lone roach on the wall out of the corner of her eye while we were chatting (I’m deathly afraid of roaches and even the thought of one makes my skin crawl) and got to cook pancakes for breakfast with my baby brother, my cutie pie.

I strived to keep working out as much as possible throughout the holidays and managed to fulfill a promise I made to work out with my cousin Agarther. I travelled to Diani with some of my closest friends, got seasick on our way to Wasini island, drunk gin for the first time as we spent one evening playing card games that involved me giving a slightly tipsy speech on climate change.

Rest and protecting my peace is perhaps one of the biggest lessons I have learned early on this year. It is important and no matter how much you may want to fight it, listening to your body, mind and spirit is essential to your wellbeing.  I have also learned that it’s never too late to plan out your goals and strive to achieve them by putting in the work, regardless of how much time has passed. As long you are progress, however little, you are doing great and are moving in the right direction. I was trying to force myself to get back into the swing of things, business as usual but my body, my mind was crying for rest. Finally, you cannot put a price on your peace of mind and happiness. If it does not feed your soul, enrich you or help you grow, let it go.

I took this month off to rest…really rest, process everything and re-center myself and I am glad I did. I am finally feeling re-energized, like my spirit is restored, and I am in a better space to create and do what I love.

Have an amazing year, fam!